THE I BEYOND THE i
Managing emotions is a full time job. I have to be on call as my own encourager, my own best friend, my own life coach, just so when my inner critic shows up, I’m not blind-sided. When I see the idle thoughts and nagging doubts floating around in my mind or staring back at me on the page – it’s easier to recognize the lies and notice the half truths when I’m armed.
That’s why I love writing, especially my morning pages. They help me to practice presence. With them, tied in with my meditation practice, I’m less often wallowing in the disappointment of past regrets or worrying anxiously about the future. It keeps me aware. Not only of my feelings, but as I write down words, with each pen stroke and between the spaces, I see my thoughts. I hear myself and I find space.
A space to stop, breathe and consider that my thoughts aren’t the only thing standing in the room. In this moment of awareness, I see my assumptions, my self-projections and the shadow that they cast on the deeper part of myself.
They’re like waves in the ocean. No matter how much they ripple or how swiftly they rise and fall, there’s always a portion of the water that exists beyond what’s happening in the waves… the source beneath. Funny enough, it’s also the largest, most significant part of the ocean. Interesting – don’t you think?
When I stop focusing on the wave of thoughts I find…the real me…the truest part of me – the ocean. And this, is my REAL identity. Amidst all these voices and alter-egos there’s something that transcends. The version of myself that exists beyond the doubts, fears, thoughts and random voices.
The “I” beyond the “i”. In that place, there’s no more emotions to manage, but a calm where the splashing on the surface isn’t even noticeable once you find yourself within the depth below.
Photo is an awesome sunset view we enjoyed on the weekend off the Indonesian island of Bali at Tanah Lot Temple.