Day 29 – Dreams with a capital D
You know before today, actually before this moment, if someone were to ask me about my dreams, I probably would’ve been tempted to say, I’m not entirely sure. I know I love to travel and I really enjoy building businesses and writing and I’m currently working on a book, but my Dreams (with a capital D) eluded me.
I used to think that it was because I had a history of focusing on what was feasible. My feasibility factor was like minimum viability and it had become a default consideration in my brain in an effort to always get things done (you know, that Executioner thing?)
But I’m realizing now the real reason why my Dream seemed to escape me is because inside it was the way I lived not what I did that mattered most.
My heart knew it but my conditioning fought the acceptance because it was taught another way. But, I think seeing my mom get so sick so suddenly though traumatic was somewhat of a wake up call and a gift for all of us. It helped me see why I should trust the path my heart was leading me too.
And Natalie’s three questions helped me understand why…
What do I want in my life beyond all certainty?
I absolutely love the relationship I have with my husband. Even when circumstances get challenging, we always manage to end up fiercely loving each other more. I feel incredibly fortunate to have that kind of bond with him and I’ve seen our relationship evolve a lot. I feel really grateful to be married to someone who desperately wants to see my dreams come true – maybe even more than me sometimes.
I’ll never stop wanting to travel. As long as I can remember I’ve wanted to touch every state and see every continent. This is a work in progress :).
Looking back at my pictures and thinking back to those experiences are memories that make me very, very happy.
I’m already dreaming…
Looking back, I feel really grateful because some people go through their whole lives chasing things only to find out in the end they were unimportant and they wish they could’ve spent more time on the things that mattered (like spending time with loved ones or travelling the world experiencing new things). Together we’ve already been able to build a life together that makes those things a priority.
What would I forsake?
Knowing this, I don’t mind forsaking people’s expectations of me, my sense of security, my comfort zones, my should be’s and my could’ve beens. Sure sometimes I wish it was easier but I’m learning to not mind that it’s not.
And I realize that there will always be someone that’s not going to understand, agree with or like the decisions I’ve made, the radical changes or the things that I’ve embraced but it’s worth it…
I went to the woods because I wished to love deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not when I came to die to discover that I had not lived.
– Henry David Thoreau –