Day 15 – It’s the Lists baby, it’s the Lists

Ok break out the rosary beads, it’s confession time. Don’t laugh buuuuuuut, I haven’t really been trying to build a list.
I know! The shame, the horror and it gets worse!
Get this, I used to ask people to subscribe in order to get my book for free and then I STOPPED ASKING.
I’m an idiot. Ok forget it, you can laugh LOL
The other day, Nate showed me some stats and there were hundreds of downloads and I don’t even know who they are! (Come to think of it, I don’t even know where they came from because I don’t really promote my site.)
No seriously laugh! Even I’m shaking my head. Do you know, I pestered my best friend to add a free download to her site? Got on her case for months to finish it, telling her all about the benefits of using it to build an email list.  She did it, then thanked me for the push because it increased her list!
And foolish, foooooolish girl that I am, left my free download unchanged.
You want to hear the pathetic excuse I made?
I want as many people to read the story as possible. It’s not about subscribers for me, I just want to help. I don’t want to hinder people from being potentially impacted by the story because they didn’t want to sign up to my list.’
Then when I saw Danielle LaPorte do something similar on her site, it was all the justification I needed.
But she has a list dummy?  I know, I know!  Hahaha
Sure, it’s true –  I really don’t want to hinder people from reading my story, but on the real, it’s highly likely, it was just Resistance.
I think subconsciously, I didn’t want to know that people were actually reading my blog. And I probably didn’t want to hold myself accountable to shipping because I didn’t want to put myself in a position to care what people think. The trouble was I already did. But I wanted it to stop.
I read books, prayed, meditated and although it diminished a fair bit, it never totally went away. At least it didn’t until I let myself love myself.
And I don’t mean that ‘woo woo’ type stuff where you look in the mirror and repeat affirmations or the religious stuff where I say, ‘Jesus loves me’ and it all goes away.
It was when I took a good, long hard look at myself and the things I had let my Inner Critic say, that I realized I wasn’t being a loving supportive friend to myself by sitting there and listening.
If my best friend Deidre came to me and said that someone said even a quarter of the negative things It’s said to me, I’d say “D, don’t listen to that crap, it’s not true.” I’d probably be furious at them for treating her that way.  And, I would be able to clearly see they were wrong and dismiss them as lies. But for myself, I haven’t been so kind.
If any of this sounds familiar to you – self-limiting talk, beating yourself up, the refusal to forgive yourself for silly (or not so silly) mistakes – do yourself a favour: Be your own best friend.
If I know you like I think I know you, you probably are a good great friend. You’re compassionate, kind and you’d be willing to give the shirt off your back to help a friend in need. You’ve probably already done it.
So now, it’s time that you allow yourself to receive that kind of support from the person looking back at you in the mirror. Don’t just sit back and take the self-inflicted beatings and accept the self-loathing. Believe the good things that have been said about you. Don’t take things so seriously. Laugh at with yourself. Believe in yourself – your dreams, your desires, no matter how preposterous they might sound, ’cause that’s what you would do for a good friend.  
And it’s time you be a good friend to you.
P.S.  Oh yeah! Natalie wanted to know how I’d build my list. Well, I guess for starters, it’s time I re-add the subscription set up to my free download.  And (ahem, cough, cough) maybe actually send my blogposts to my newsletter list.  I think that might be a good start Sherice – ya think ;)?
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