So we finally made it to Chiang Mai, Thailand and it’s even more than I ever could’ve imagined. The unique blend of sights, smells and sounds are intoxicating to my senses. I knew that I would enjoy it here but I never dreamed I would fall in love so deeply. For the first time I can finally fully appreciate the phrase “Home is where the heart is”
It inspires me, it cherishes me, it stimulates me, IT LOVES ME!
And yet…it perplexes me.
I know, it probably sounds ridiculous, how can I feel perplexed in a place that embodies so many of the things I love?
The food is amazing – the weather? Same same LOL . The people are incredibly friendly, welcoming and loving. And I never stop hearing how beautiful I am. I’ve even had people stop me on the streets and ask to take pictures with me – the perfect therapy for my occasional bouts of low self-esteem. Here I’ve experienced more creativity, more understanding, more acceptance, more peace and more rest.
The place feels perfect..it’s like a dream – my Dream. My heart loves it and my mind…well let’s just say it keeps playing tricks on me.
I’ve been here for a month now. Initially we were supposed to be here for 3 weeks but we were enjoying ourselves so much that we decided to call the airline to see how much it was to extend our trip and were shocked when they replied, “Nothing, actually you can change it as many times as you want at no charge.” So we ended up extending it another month seeing as we can work remotely from anywhere. We have the most ideal scenario – working from home means we can work from ANYWHERE. I was ecstatic! This is exactly the way I wanted life, exactly the way we had envisioned things. Every year, I would say to Nathan, this is the last winter I want to be in Canada. And according to the way we planned things, it was going to happen next year. But my dreams showed up one year earlier.
I didn’t expect it but I certainly wasn’t going to miss out on taking advantage of this opportunity. The trouble is my mind wasn’t ready for it. My mind was used to wanting, used to striving and waiting. It had become so accustomed to it that it wasn’t sure what to do when my Dream showed up. It started to say things like, ‘maybe it’s time to go home now’, ‘don’t you think you had enough?’ Then it would try to remind me of trivial responsibilities.
To tell you the truth, it was a bit mind boggling, thus my perplexity. I mean isn’t this the same mind that had been plotting and planning with me? You’d think things would feel entirely different, but they weren’t. Here I was standing inside the Dream I had always envisioned and standing there right beside me was EMO. My emotions both for and against me, my thoughts both for and against me. But my Dreams? THEY were for ME!
I was reminded again that although helpful at times, thoughts and feelings aren’t to be trusted – at least not entirely unless their voices share the same sound as your dreams.
but a DREAM.